A lot of family picture taking goes on this time of year in preparation for Christmas cards and gifts for grandparents. And a lot of frustration on the part of parents can accompany those photo sessions. That’s because the family photo seems like a simple concept. Everyone puts on their best clothes, stands still for five minutes, smiles and makes a little magic. And yet, it rarely happens that smoothly.

     Pinterest and other social media sites make it look so easy. Do a Pinterest search for “family photo”, and you’ll find dozens of beautiful images of families in perfect poses amid amber waves of wheat with golden sunlight sparkling in their hair. But Pinterest is a liar. Photographers and others put their best foot forward on social media, so those pins are “best of” images. The truth is most families find photo sessions trying because kids are wiggly, some adults are there under duress and most people don’t like having their picture taken. 

     Most sessions are scheduled by moms because they recognize the future value of images taken at various stages of life. Moms deserve credit for making those photos happen despite protests from their family members.  More than once I’ve taken family photos at a wedding or other event, and months later a grandparent or other relative in those images died. The value of those images cannot be understated, so all that work to herd your kids or force Aunt Bessie to get in the picture is worth it. And don’t worry if things don’t happen the way you want it to because here’s some truth.

     If your young child has ever had a cry-in-the-floor, red-faced, need-a-nap meltdown at a photo shoot, your family is normal.

     If your uncle Earl has ever declared that he hates to have his picture taken and refused to smile throughout the entire family session your family is normal.  

     If your child has fallen and bruised his forehead two days before a photo shoot, your family is normal.

     If your newborn has pooped, peed or thrown up on the props and photographer during a photo shoot, your family is normal.

     If you’ve ever had to bribe your children, spouse or adult relatives to get them to cooperate for ten minutes at a photo shoot, your family is normal.

     If you’ve ever had to threaten your children, spouse or adult relatives to get them to cooperate for ten minutes at a photo shoot, your family is normal.

     If your teenager has been surly throughout a photo shoot because he/she is just “too old for this kind of thing”, your family is normal.

     If you have ever wrapped up a family photo shoot and felt as if you needed a Tylenol and a large glass of merlot, your family is normal.

     Lower your expectations. Don’t worry if things aren’t perfect. People aren’t perfect. They have fuzzy hair, cowlicks, acne breakouts and toddler fits. Family is messy. They argue and grumble at each other and can be a hot mess. But they are your hot mess, and years from now, when some of the people in those pictures are long gone, you’re going to treasure those pictures, regardless of how many people are smiling, how many cowlicks there are and how imperfect they’re standing. In fact, you’re probably going to laugh for years at that picture in which your cousin is hitting his sister over the head. Take the picture, and don’t worry about the photographer. Inside we’re smiling, because when you say things like, “I’m sure you’ve never had to deal with this before” we’re thinking, “Yes, yes, I do, all of the time.” In fact, we kind of expect it.